He is Good, Life is Good

I find that it is far too often that I get so caught up in my personal drama, my stumbling confusion, my insistence in knowing the future, that I forget that I'm alive. That life, in it's very core, is so good, and such a blessing. I don't necessarily admire John Mayer, but I think that he has it right in his song "The Heart of Life" when he states,

"Pain throws your heart to the ground

(Love turns the whole things around)

No it won't all go the way it should

But I know the heart of life is good"

The past month has been pretty tough for me. With life transitions from college to the workforce, living in a location that is somewhat remote to everyone that means a lot to me, I have struggled. My struggle to reconcile my same-gender attractions only amplifies the confusion and frustration.

It's a beautiful thing, surrendering to the Lord. Submission to Him in response to His act of mercy, grace, and unconditional love in sending Christ to the cross. In the past few days, I have found myself restored and hopeful in the future. Yes, it will be a journey. But, I realize that pursuit of selfish interests and the temporary fantasies are fruitless. Something that I temporarily bought into was the rat race to glamor that my friend was pursuing. Yet, I see (and weep) for people that are so caught up in attaining something, attaining someone, that they miss the joy in the present. The obsession to be happy through things or relationships feeds the insatiable desire for love and contentment that only a relationship with the Lord can fulfill.

I don't know what is ahead in my future. I'm sure that there are more lonely evenings alone in my apartment. I'm also sure that there are future personal failings involved in the future as well. Yet, I can't think of a life that is more beautiful and rewarding than one walking with Christ. While I do not feel especially close to the Lord because I have been running from Him, I know that as I grow closer, I will only feel more astounded by both his unfathomable power and his intimate interest in me.